by Walter Chaw If I concentrate really hard--I mean, if I shut down as much external stimuli as possible, a dark room away from everyone--I can visit the tiny, rent-assisted apartment where my mom spent the final decade of her life. There's a low couch, a small coffee table I remember from when I was a kid, an old fold-out dining-room table with wings that made it hard to get your legs underneath it. A hutch, a cramped kitchen cluttered with gadgets like the air fryer that's currently on my counter and a rice cooker, of course. There are closets and drawers stuffed to overflowing with artifacts, some of which I would recognize and others I would not. I didn't spend a lot of time there. A handful of visits over the course of a decade--thousands of missed opportunities to heal a relationship I didn't believe could be healed and, moreover, didn't have the strength to heal. I wish I were different. I think there's a terrible irony embedded in how the pain I took on along the way made it impossible for me to redress the pain at the end.