So this is what happens when you hire notorious non-director Kevin Smith to helm a studio film: you end up with a bleak, lifeless thing that doubles as a shrine to its own pointlessness. Cop Out begins with clownish Paul (Tracy Morgan) incessantly quoting movies while conducting an interrogation. His gruff partner, Jimmy (Bruce Willis), stands on the other side of the glass, checking off each of Paul's references as they happen--except for Die Hard, which Jimmy hasn't seen. (Tee hee, because Willis was in Die Hard, get it?) If it gets Smith's obligatory Star Wars allusion out of the way relatively quickly, it also demonstrates that Smith has given up on his craft completely; why bother engaging in drawn-out pop-culture riffs other than to inspire a few "director's trademark" entries on the movie's IMDb trivia page? It's what you expect of him, and he delivers with sarcastic proficiency. Who cares? Certainly not me, and certainly not Smith. It's almost beyond the point to talk about how his misogyny and homophobia rear their ugly heads here, because Cop Out's greatest crime is the undiluted contempt Smith shows for his audience. You didn't like Zack and Miri Make a Porno, eh? Well, here's a consciously cliché buddy-cop movie for you, peons, straight out of the ever-hated 1980s. It would be worth more vitriol if it resonated for longer than an hour after it ends--or if Smith hadn't spent the last several years ostracizing himself with some of the worst movies in recent memory.

The reasons why Cop Out would mention a decade-old Internet meme are presumably the same as Smith's motives for taking on the project: finally convinced that his time in the sun has ended, he sets his sights and mocks the hell out of you for watching such an obsolete piece of shit, complete with hard-ass captains who slap our heroes with ill-timed suspensions, foul-mouthed preteens and mothers with an unexpected knowledge of the street, and hardened criminals with a sensitive side. (The real surprise is that it's not playing on TBS in a bowdlerized form at this very moment.) Smith makes no bones about being a lousy filmmaker, yet even with his shortcomings duly noted, there's no mistaking when he's talking down to you. Frankly, it's no big feat to say that terrible buddy-cop movies abound, but in devoting an entire movie to a barnside condemnation of the genre (one defiantly titled Cop Out, no less), he reveals little concern for delivering a quality product--and ultimately just how much he straight-up hates the movies. (It's not like he didn't warn us with his two-faced "appreciations" of John Hughes.) Cop Out is nothing more than Smith's "fuck you" to everyone who ever watched or financed one of his films. The least we can do is offer one in return.-Ian Pugh

© Film Freak Central; filmfreakcentral.net. This review may not be reprinted, in whole or in part, without the express consent of its author.

Buy COP OUT posters at Moviegoods (click on image)

Published: February 26, 2010