ON MY SECOND DAY of touring the Video Software Dealers Association's (VSDA) 2000 convention in Las Vegas, I ran into a prominent Webmaster and we exchanged gossip. "This gets lamer every year," he moaned, noting that very few of the major studios had set up booths on the showroom floor this time around, opting instead for offices on the level beneath.

Well, I didn't know any better, as this was the first time I had ventured out to the now 20-year-old annual, a meeting place for video companies both mini and major (so many I can't do justice to this aspect here, though I will say my one regret was not spending time at Indiedvd's section), not to mention manufacturers of carpet, cases, display boxes, massage chairs, etc. Not surprisingly, retailers are greeted by exhibitors in a more generous manner than press--after all, what can I write about plastic that's going to move product?

So, all in all, I enjoyed the VSDA, not to mention my time in Sin City, which I had also never visited before. What follows is a travelogue of sorts, wherein you will find tales of pornography, sneak peeks at upcoming DVD/VHS releases, and the proverbial MORE!

Friday, July 7 - The Night Before the Official Day One

I've asked Pierre "Pete" Branconnier to accompany me, whose name you may recall from my various accounts of Toronto International Film Festival experiences. We rehearse blackjack on the plane and take a cursory glance at some Vegas pamphlets. Nevada looks strange from an aerial view, all rock and sand that eventually gives way to the incongruous image of endless suburbia. Neighbourhoods like the one from E.T. spider out from the cluster of lights that is the Vegas strip and downtown core.

We touch down; the airport is only a five-minute drive from our hotel/casino, the Flamingo Hilton. We have four hours to kill until our check-in, and so it's off to pick up our press passes at the Venetian Hotel's Sands Expo. How to describe the Venetian? Erected in 1999, it's an enormous palazzo flanked by blocky buildings; aside from the requisite billboard, it's one of the less glittery gambling monoliths in town. Its hook is a gondola ride that friends and lovers can take through a loopy canal that encircles the main building.

Pete and I are forced to cross the picket lines to get inside--protestors are making passers-by aware that neither the Venetian nor the New York, New York is unionized. Weaving in and out of the casino to get to the VSDA headquarters is a struggle in and of itself; as Pete pointed out, the slot machines are arranged in such a labyrinthine manner so as to make you lost, give up, and play some quarters as you regain your bearings.

Pass-retrieval itself goes off without a hitch. We speak with Maral Kaloustian of Sue Procko Public Relations. I mention her for the sake of thanking her again: her assistance prior to and during the weekend was invaluable.

Brave New World

That night, Pete and I attend New Line's Final Destination-themed party, where I finally make face-to-face acquaintance with my AOL Instant Messenger buddy Michael Dequina (a.k.a. Mr. Brown of "The Movie Report"), one of the most deservedly popular film critics on-line. Cult director John Waters is also there, in addition to several "regional leaders" (a term I must admit I still don't know the meaning of) and absurdly gorgeous women in shiny bras hawking cold beer. (I'm not sure how their attire linked thematically to the story of a psychic teenager and his doomed friends, but, more importantly, I don't care.) Final Destination plays on monitors scattershot along the walls of this club, "The Beach", and I try not to glance at them as I haven't seen the purportedly twisty film before.

July 8 - Day One

DON'T LOOK ANY CLOSER American Beauty is finally arriving on DVD October 24, 2000 in a Special Edition that includes two commentaries, one featuring director Sam Mendes and writer Alan Ball, the other Mendes and cinematographer Conrad Hall. But the sigh of relief DVD lovers breathed at the VSDA convention's announcement of its release was tinged with disappointment, because Mendes has opted not to supplement the disc with the much talked-about discarded prologue and epilogue, fearing that an awareness of them would detract from repeat viewings.

Chewable vitamin C tablets are on the menu as I try to nip an oncoming cold in the bud. I eat many more than is necessary as the General Session (the opening ceremony) unfolds before a crowded house of retailers and journalists.

Jeff Foxworthy kicks things off with a groan-inducing, sub-"Hee-Haw" videotaped introduction ("You might be in a redneck video store if [they] think DVD stands for Deer, Varmint, Duck"). The official torch of audience warm-up duties is passed on to that other Southern stand-up, Bill Engvall. One wonders why VSDA organizers thought this down-home humour would set the proper tone for a Vegas retreat--I guess the answer lies in the fact that Engvall has a series of comedy tapes to promote while Don Rickles does not.

VSDA President Bo Andersen makes a speech that mostly goes over my head, interrupting his own comments halfway through for a slideshow that preaches to the converted: "Really, now, how much Regis do we need?" asked one still, which concluded with, "Don't just sit there, RENT SOMETHING!"

Gregory Peck's Lifetime Achievement Award is next, but the beloved actor was unable to attend, sending his son to accept in his absence. Watching a stirring montage of Peck's work, I am reminded just how commanding he can be.

Warren Lieberfarb and Ben Feingold, heads of Warner Home Video and Columbia Tri-Star, respectively, received awards for their invaluable contributions to digital video disc back when it was a fledgling format. The competitors thanked each other, among others, with Lieberfarb dedicating the honour ultimately to his wife, "who never wants to hear the word DVD again!"

The Amir Malin Project

Amir Malin, CO-CEO of Artisan Entertainment, was the keynote address speaker. His lecture is punctuated by video segments from a tongue-in-cheek look at his rise through the Hollywood ranks that was "discovered in my backyard." There are coded jokes aplenty contained in this mockumentary that leave insiders howling--come to think of it, everybody appreciated the sight of an Artisan executive urinating on the blue wall of a Blockbuster. Over the course of his speech, Malin argues for a new, low-overhead corporate construct that will save studios millions--while his logic is sound, I suspect Malin comes off a tad arrogant in the eyes of better established companies, considering Artisan has precisely one smash hit to their credit.

Artisan is the house that Blair Witch built, so it came as no surprise that Malin decided to end his address with a preview for Blair Witch 2: the book of shadows (I'm going by its on-screen title, for it has been labelled elsewhere as Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2). While I'm reserving judgment on the final product, the overly loud (even for a trailer), effects-filled teaser--at a glance, the antithesis of everything that made ultra-cheap "Blair Witch 1" so special--did not leave me wanting more. Visions of Freddy's Revenge danced in my head.

Retailer honours are bestowed upon four recipients, notably Nick Novakovich of the Canadian company "That's Entertainment". Frankie Muniz, there to promote My Dog Skip for Warner, receives the Young Star of the Year Award. Past VSDA President and current partner in "videoretailer.com" Harold Rosenbaum is the VSDA's "Person of the Year". The Matrix cleans up in a section devoted to acknowledging big renters and sellers.

Everybody Tae-Bo!

Billy Blanks, who earned fame as a performer in straight-to-video action schlock before gaining notoriety as a fitness instructor, concludes the proceedings with a seemingly exhausting Tae-Bo demonstration. So few conventioneers remain as Blanks and company exit stage left that no one formally ends the ceremony. I admire Blanks energy, for he and his crew perform another routine ten minutes later on the showroom floor.

"Swag time!" I announce to Pete after the stompin' Tae-Bo music ceases to ring in my ears. We haul ass to the VSDA exhibit itself, thus commencing two-and-a-half days straight of collecting promotional junk from anyone willing to hand it out and meeting the people who have supported Film Freak Central over the years in the form of check discs and screening cassettes.

I Feel Dirty

Next door, I should add now, is a second convention, one that seemed to usurp the popularity of the VSDA's as time wore on--the annual Adult Video News expo, devoted to adult entertainment. Yes, I checked it out, my head hung low until I looked around and saw other VSDA reporters, red-faced and staring down at the ground as well, and I started to feel a little less embarrassed--or, at least, comfortably ashamed.

Finally, there is a third convention, a few doors down from both: STAR POWER, a talent competition featuring dozens upon dozens of prepubescent girls sexualized before their time by whore's make-up and scandalous outfits.

Picture if you will a cafeteria set up in the entranceway to the Sands Expo that is shared by the three conventions. Now imagine my shock and somewhat amused horror upon witnessing the little Jon Benet Ramseys lined up alongside PVC-wrapped porn stars to buy the same lunch. This was a photo op I wish I had seized, the before-and-after portrait of parental indiscretion. (CONTINUED...)