Oz the Great and Powerful (2013)

ZERO STARS/****
starring James Franco, Mila Kunis, Rachel Weisz, Michelle Williams
screenplay by Mitchell Kapner and David Lindsay-Abaire
directed by Sam Raimi

by Walter Chaw Based on L. Frank Baum's little-known Pussyhound of Oz, Sam Raimi's career nadir Oz the Great and Powerful (hereafter O-Gap) answers the question of who you would ask to anchor your $300M+ tentpole extravaganza: yes, James Franco, who's now claimed the mantle of the worst actor in the United States from the quiescent Paul Walker. Franco is an avatar of the picture's bad decisions, from the Zach Braff-voiced CGI monkey sidekick to the sassy CGI Hummel figurine to the tragic miscasting of Mila Kunis as Theodora, a.k.a. the Wicked Witch of the West. Yes indeedy, fans of the MGM original, of Baum's wondrous series of books, and of the shit-show "Wicked" will all hate it equally--almost as much as neophytes to the whole damned mess who will come for what Raimi's proudly proclaimed "the ultimate Disney movie" and leave with a mouthful of exactly as promised. It's blindingly obnoxious, tasteless in a meaningless way, and occasionally makes reference to Army of Darkness just because, I suspect, Raimi's last-resort defensive posture is to fall back on what he knows. But it's not nearly enough to save him here. The argument with weight is that the more expensive a movie becomes, the less likely it's going to be good; the first clue that Raimi is creatively bankrupt is that while his buddy Bruce Campbell appears in this film, Campbell isn't the star.

Campbell was tailor-made for con-man/lothario Oz (Franco), a small-time carnival illusionist in Kansas (and Oz-ites, take note: Didn't Oz arrive from Omaha? Never mind) who spends his time duping small-town lovelies into turning tricks for the little trinkets he conjures for them. Soon a twister whisks him to Technicolor Oz, where he meets waifu Theodora; is declared the fabled saviour of the land; and is taken to Theodora's sister, Evanora (Rachel Weisz), the two of them conspiring to have Oz kill sweet Glinda (Michelle Williams)--who, in her Kansas incarnation, is betrothed to some dude named "Gale." Follow? It doesn't matter if you follow. There's a yellow-brick road, copyright-circumventing references to cowardly lions and scarecrows, and Munchkins used as adorable comic relief. None as adorable, however, as monkey man-servant-cum-bellhop-cum-pimp Finley (Braff), who, at the insistence of the Magic Kingdom's braintrust, was amplified in the final incarnation to Kong-ian bloat. He, Oz, and made-of-china China Girl (Joey King) wander around familiar sets (reanimated into shambling, eye-stabbing half-life in a giant 3D-abomination-producing mainframe) while nobody except Williams manages to protect their dignity. Oz, it goes without saying, is a real motherfucker who needs to learn in a short 140 minutes how to be the hero the backwards townsfolk of Oz are waiting for.

Though it's been decades since I walked out on a film, the temptation was as strong during O-Gap as the flight urge that overtakes one whilst watching Ron Howard's The Grinch--and for the same reasons. It's a movie that has no audience; in its attempts to please everyone, it pleases no one. Oddly inappropriate for children but not inappropriate enough for adults, it's clumsily-plotted, poorly-paced, atrociously cast, and so on and so on. By any measure it's awful--too long, too garish, too unsure of itself, of whether it's trying for slapstick or nickelodeon nostalgia or sentiment (stretched to the point of mawkishness in a denouement manufactured for maximum self-reference). There's nothing going on beneath the surface and too much going on above, and it represents what is frankly the first movie by Sam Raimi I haven't liked even a little. The biggest shame is that there is an absolute treasure trove of startling images and great stories to be mined from the Oz mythology, yet O-Gap, with its feeling of shit being made up as it goes along until we've lapped well over two hours, only has the wit to create a story based entirely on Oz's ability to get some strange and how a woman scorned, denied a man's sweet attention, can be a real witch. I have no doubt there'll be worse movies than this in 2013. I do have my doubts that I'll hate any of them more.

Comments

[Stephanie]

I have no desire to see this film, just like I have no desire to see Wicked in any form. But, if the original film is a mapping of Dorothy's mind, Oz's appears to be the house of a reformed letch, and it's a bit much as anything other than satire, to try to tack this onto the original Wizard of Oz lacks class. It's like they want to cheapen their own franchise, so dumb. It also says a lot about what they think of us. And the idea that the Wicked Witch has to have a backstory about how she used to be nice? I'm so sick of that crap.

[braak]

@Alex: Yeah, but surely that isn't *difficult*. You just have to watch the movie, and then read the book-- oh. Oh, right. Reading.

@Bill C, Yeah, I guess that could be a problem, but I feel like, it's *Disney*. If there's anyone who could mount a successful trademark/copyright challenge (and they're probably on pretty firm ground for it, too), it's those guys.

They should have made it anyway, filed a massive countersuit for unfair trade practices against Warner Bros., then bankrupted them and bought up DC.

Then Disney would own all the properties.

[Based]

I kind of like James Franco. Not enough to think he has never had a horrible performance, of course. I don't know, maybe my excitement for Spring Breakers is clouding my judgment of him.

[Cameron]

The great and powerful Walter Chaw has spoken.

[Alex Jackson]

While the Baum books may be in public domain, the film is not and so any adaptation of the Oz property has to be careful to not include any material unique to the 1939 film adaptation (i.e. ruby slippers).

[Bill C]

@braak: The problem is that Warner Bros. owns a really broad copyright on all the iconography of THE WIZARD OF OZ, which I imagine creates a legal nightmare for anyone else adapting Baum's books.

@Mr. Pinkham: Try again.

[braak]

It's weird that they needed to skirt copyright questions at all; Baum died in 1919, and the last Oz books were published in 1921 -- all of them should be in the public domain in the US.

[Mr. Pinkham]

Sorry for the off-topic post, Walter, but the Film Freak Central email server seems to be full. I sent you an email the other day at the address on the side of the page and have been getting a "Disk quota exceeded" response from your server.